But during these situations, your child isn’t thinking logically at all. Their brain is instinctually reacting, so anything that seems threatening will worsen the situation.

Include a “because” when you validate instead of a “but” – this is part of a strategy known as emotion coaching. You can read more on that here.

Don’t stand over them, looking down at them as you talk. It gives off a vibe of superiority that isn’t helpful at the moment. It also can feel threatening.

If your child asks a question during a meltdown, even if it’s asked inappropriately or rudely, provide a calm and concise answer.

As a result, you can safely perform computationally expensive derivations in computed signals, such as filtering arrays.

Everybody has the right to feel a certain way about any given situation. One thing you never want to do is shame your child for how they’re feeling.

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Children can suddenly become a lot more likely to cooperate when they don’t feel like they are being “forced” to do something. This is especially true for children with pathological demand avoidance.

Unless your child asks, keep back at least 3 feet from them. Do not try to touch them, hug them, or pick them up (unless they’re in danger).

Effects always run at least once. When an effect runs, it tracks any signal value reads. Whenever any of these signal values change, the effect runs again. Similar to computed signals, effects keep track of their dependencies dynamically, and only track signals which were read in the most recent execution.

Effects return an EffectRef that you can use to destroy them manually, by calling the .destroy() method. You can combine this with the manualCleanup option to create an effect that lasts until it is manually destroyed. Be careful to actually clean up such effects when they're no longer required.

When the brain is engaged in fight-or-flight, there is a perceived threat. During that time, reasoning attempts are ineffective. Often, showing empathy will also make things worse.

It helps me to remain calm and also models a healthy calming strategy for my children – even if they aren’t ready to use one.

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Avoid using effects for propagation of state changes. This can result in ExpressionChangedAfterItHasBeenChecked errors, infinite circular updates, or unnecessary change detection cycles.

Try distracting your child from the current situation by offering them a favorite toy, a preferred calming activity, or showing them a funny video you think they would like.

The escalation cycle is something I talk about in a lot of my posts, and familiarizing yourself with each of the stages and the different strategies for each stage will help you not only respond to meltdowns but prevent them from happening altogether.

It’s also a good idea to have a safe, calming space where your child can go to remove themselves from the situation when they’re overstimulated.

Stop talking altogether to both your child and anyone else around you. I also try to take slow, deep breaths when I’m trying this strategy. Breathe deeply enough that it’s audible in the silence.

This is why, during times when the hindbrain is in control, it’s important to remain calm and ensure safety until the forebrain is back in control.

During a meltdown, the brain enters survival mode. It shuts down the thinking part of the brain and simply reacts to a threat (whether perceived or real).

Also, avoid lecturing or trying to solve their problems for them at the moment. This conversation needs to come later when they’re calm again.

Avoid saying things like, “I know you wanted me to pick you up from school, but I have to work late.” or “Your pink shirt is in the washer, so I can’t have it ready in time; that’s why you need to wear a different shirt.”

When creating a signal, you can optionally provide an equality function, which will be used to check whether the new value is actually different than the previous one.

These strategies, taught by the Crisis Prevention Institute, help keep everyone safe during meltdowns, and you should use them in addition to your de-escalation strategies.

Although meltdowns may seem unpredictable or like they happen out of nowhere, there is a clear pattern that happens before, after, and during a meltdown.

However, ignore any aggressive statements they make towards you. For example, if your child yells, “You’re the worst mommy in the world!” do not respond or react.

Equally important to being able to identify each stage of the escalation cycle is knowing which non-violent crisis intervention strategies work for each stage.

The diagram below is a simplified explanation of how various sections of the brain are used and how that affects emotional regulation.

This could mean suggesting a short walk or offering your child a break in a calm down corner. These distractions also change their environment and may remove them from the trigger or help them to reset.

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This shows your child that you’re on their side. Even if you don’t think they have a “reason” to be upset, they obviously are, so try to put yourself in their shoes.

It takes a lot of practice and pre-teaching for your child to be able to self-regulate with deep breathing exercises. However, the work can pay off.

Ask your child if they want to go for a quick walk or movement break. You can even try this 7-minute HIIT workout for kids or these animal-theme gross motor skill activity cards if your child is open to it.

Minimize this stimulation by dimming lights, turning the TV down or off, and having other people leave the room if possible.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you say yes to whatever they want. Simply offer more open-ended answers like “We can plan a time to do that” or “That’s something we can talk about when everybody is calm.“

Sometimes, too many demands can actually cause a meltdown in the first place, especially if your child has pathological demand avoidance. But regardless of the cause, avoid making more demands during dysregulated situations.

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This is a primal survival instinct known as fight or flight. When faced with true danger, if the thinking part of our brain was functioning, we’d hesitate and/or try to use logic, and it could cost us our lives.

Acknowledge this right by saying, “You’re right, I can’t make you do …” then explain why you would like them to choose to do what is asked and provide a logical consequence.

Rarely, you may want to execute code which may read signals within a reactive function such as computed or effect without creating a dependency.

You don’t want your child to feel shame for having emotions. We can learn a lot from emotions. It’s the actions that need to change.

If you’re lucky enough to get a moment where your child says “YES!” to your reflection, it opens an opportunity for you to validate your child’s feelings then and help them calm down.

Download these de-escalation strategies as an 8.5 x 11-inch poster below. You can use this poster to display as a visual reminder or to pass out as a handout.

Once the fight or flight instinct is activated, it’s important to understand that your child’s brain is perceiving a threat. They need reassurance that they are safe.

Thank you for the free printables! My grand-daughter is coming from interstate to visit, and we'd love to be more prepared for any emotional outbursts that she may display.

Although some of these techniques may seem more like “what not to do”, sometimes our own responses and emotions do make things worse.

Demands include telling your child repeatedly to “stop,” “calm down,” or “snap out of it” isn’t going to make them stop or calm down or snap out of it. It doesn’t matter how nicely or assertively you ask.

Great list! I’m surprised it doesn’t mention holding the child in a firm hug and rocking them side to side or the use of a weighted blanket though. I have found both of these to be effective.

Signals are useful because they notify interested consumers when they change. An effect is an operation that runs whenever one or more signal values change. You can create an effect with the effect function:

If your child is screaming, do not try yelling so they can hear you. Wait until they stop, and then speak to them calmly and empathetically.

Place all of your other expectations on hold temporarily. The only thing that matters in the present moment is helping your child calm down.

During a meltdown, the fight or flight instinct is activated – movement like going for a walk can “trick” your brain into feeling that it’s chosen “flight” and help you start calming down.

Sometimes, when children become extremely overwhelmed or they’re experiencing sensory overload, they have a meltdown where they lose control over their behaviors. This is an automatic nervous system response and not something our kids can consciously control.

If your child regularly defaults to aggressive communication when they’re angry, this is a great communication printable to try (when they’re calm – not as a de-escalation technique): Assertive vs Aggressive Communication

If you then change count, Angular knows that doubleCount's cached value is no longer valid, and the next time you read doubleCount its new value will be calculated.

In a heightened emotional state like a meltdown, feeling trapped or closed in by you can further escalate the situation.

Eventually, with frequent practice, while calm, you will be able to prompt your child to do deep breathing exercises when they are upset or to model that breathing and have them imitate you.

What’s inside this article: An overview of the escalation cycle, how the brain functions during different emotional states, and evidence-based de-escalation strategies that are used in non-violent crisis intervention to defuse meltdowns and outbursts.

If your child will sit, sit with them. If not, kneel so you’re at eye level with them when communicating. (Although it’s usually best to keep communication to a minimum).

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You’re allowed to set boundaries and allow them to choose. However, keep in mind that this strategy is only effective when used early. If your child is melting down, they won’t be responsive to logical consequences.

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Great article for any parent. Controlling our own reactions is helpful not only because it keeps things calmer but the brunt of the emotion is lessened bc I am monitoring my thoughts and actions too.

You can and certainly should set boundaries, tell your child “no,” and discipline them. You just need to wait until the functionality of the prefrontal cortex is restored if you want those things to actually benefit your child.

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The success rate of prevention is far greater than that of de-escalation. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable, so it’s important to know some effective de-escalation strategies as well.

Note that dependencies can be removed during a derivation as well as added. If you later set showCount back to false, then count will no longer be considered a dependency of conditionalCount.

The truth is, unless these skills are taught to your child when they’re calm, they aren’t going to work when they’re upset.

This technique doesn’t mean your child “gets away with” the behavior. Once they’re calm and more likely to respond with reason and logic, you can re-address the original issue, if appropriate.

Effects are rarely needed in most application code, but may be useful in specific circumstances. Here are some examples of situations where an effect might be a good solution:

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If you can get your child to use this de-escalation technique in the moment, it works quite quickly. If not, this is something you can do together during the post-crisis depletion or recovery phase of the meltdown.

Effects might start long-running operations, which you should cancel if the effect is destroyed or runs again before the first operation finished. When you create an effect, your function can optionally accept an onCleanup function as its first parameter. This onCleanup function lets you register a callback that is invoked before the next run of the effect begins, or when the effect is destroyed.

Writable signals provide an API for updating their values directly. You create writable signals by calling the signal function with the signal's initial value:

A signal is a wrapper around a value that notifies interested consumers when that value changes. Signals can contain any value, from primitives to complex data structures.

A lot of parents question why I advise avoiding saying no or trying to reason with a child during a meltdown. This diagram helps make it more clear.

For example: “It makes sense that you’re upset right now because you really wanted the orange cup, not the blue cup – and because it’s hard not to get what you want sometimes.”

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When you read a signal within an OnPush component's template, Angular tracks the signal as a dependency of that component. When the value of that signal changes, Angular automatically marks the component to ensure it gets updated the next time change detection runs. Refer to the Skipping component subtrees guide for more information about OnPush components.

If you set showCount to true and then read conditionalCount again, the derivation will re-execute and take the branch where showCount is true, returning the message which shows the value of count. Changing count will then invalidate conditionalCount's cached value.

Angular Signals is a system that granularly tracks how and where your state is used throughout an application, allowing the framework to optimize rendering updates.

doubleCount's derivation function does not run to calculate its value until the first time you read doubleCount. The calculated value is then cached, and if you read doubleCount again, it will return the cached value without recalculating.

[…] fell in love with these star projectors because they’re amazingly calming. They can end a meltdown in seconds. I do recommend a high-quality projector like this one from Amazon simply because of the […]

Computed signal are read-only signals that derive their value from other signals. You define computed signals using the computed function and specifying a derivation:

As you try out these methods and learn how your child responds, you will find the best techniques for you. You may also want to take some time to read: 8 Verbal De-Escalation Techniques for Managing Challenging Behavior & Meltdowns.

Say things like, “So you are saying you are upset because you really wanted your pink shirt today?” or ” You don’t want your Aunt to pick you up from school. Do I have this right?”

Raising an Extraordinary Person provides social-emotional learning resources, educational tools, positive behavioral support, and sensory resources for parents, educators, and therapists of neurodiverse children

This example will log a message when either currentUser or counter changes. However, if the effect should only run when currentUser changes, then the read of counter is only incidental and changes to counter shouldn't log a new message.

These situations are stressful for everyone involved and potentially dangerous for both bystanders and your child. Knowing some de-escalation strategies will help you avoid a potential crisis.

The doubleCount signal depends on the count signal. Whenever count updates, Angular knows that doubleCount needs to update as well.

For example, suppose that when currentUser changes, the value of a counter should be logged. you could create an effect which reads both signals:

When you create an effect, it is automatically destroyed when its enclosing context is destroyed. This means that effects created within components are destroyed when the component is destroyed. The same goes for effects within directives, services, etc.

Only the signals actually read during the derivation are tracked. For example, in this computed the count signal is only read if the showCount signal is true:

When you read conditionalCount, if showCount is false the "Nothing to see here!" message is returned without reading the count signal. This means that if you later update count it will not result in a recomputation of conditionalCount.

By default, you can only create an effect() within an injection context (where you have access to the inject function). The easiest way to satisfy this requirement is to call effect within a component, directive, or service constructor:

This 5-minute bio-feedback activity (done when everyone is calm) is a great way to show your child how deep breathing helps you calm down; it’s called How low can you go?

It’s like having an alarm system on your home to protect you from burglars, but it’s so sensitive that it goes off any time a bird lands on your roof.

During a meltdown, the fight-or-flight instinct takes over, and the brain is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, so they literally cannot access the part of their brain that thinks logically.