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The point of these questions in de-escalation is to get them to offer a solid, reasonable solution to their problem, even if it’s a perceived problem.

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For a more severe crisis, we encourage people in de-escalation training to calmly encourage others to leave. “Can everyone give us the room?” can reduce the circumstances or people that led up to the anger.

When a person challenges someone and a power struggle ensues, many human factors fire off in rapid response. Many strategies for dealing with agitated people vary depending on their age, mental state, and environment. A restaurant, a dentist’s office, and a police standoff are all unique situations.

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All law enforcement de-escalation training programs trains officers to get the subjects and bystanders away from danger. In a hostage situation, a police department might evacuate an area and leave the agitated individuals in one controlled place.

In all of these statements, you’re providing a person options and additional resources while ensuring there’s no trouble identifying the root problem.

With the possible exception of an active threat situation, most people in an agitated state are after something — like a glass of water or to go somewhere else.

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Likewise, asking pointed questions can further frustrate people because they might not be able to answer. Or, they might think you’re belittling their needs.

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There are more de-escalation techniques covered in our online training and in-person active threat courses. You’ll discuss expected outcomes, practice advanced active listening skills, and rehearse situations in these trainings with veteran law enforcement officers and healthcare professionals.

In low-level situations, for instance, a healthcare worker might suggest, “Let’s step into this office to talk about that,” or a cashier might say, “The manager can talk to you. Why don’t we step out in the hall.” These divert focus away from the original problem area and decrease the chances they’ll make a scene.

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Your facial expressions, how you sit or stand, crossing your arms, and even checking your watch or adjusting your glasses are all nonverbal communication that can lead to avoidable altercations.

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We’ve trained hundreds of people in healthcare, law enforcement, and front-line business operations in these five de-escalation steps that work:

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Police officers have training established by the Police Executive Research Forum and academy best practices that helps them disarm individuals and spot the signs of substance abuse problems.

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This might include saying, “A nurse is getting your glass of water right now,” or, “We all need to step outside from time to time. Do you want to go outside now?”

In extreme situations where weapons are involved, always call 911. When you call, give the 911 operator a description of the people and weapons involved. This increases officer safety and reduces the chances of using extreme force.

John F. Kennedy never used the word “I” when he was President in any major speech because he knew saying “This government” or “Your government” instead helped establish a collective response belonging to all people without casting blame.

In our day-to-day challenges, it’s usually easier for most of us to ask the subject to move away from everyone else and then de-escalate the situation.

Yelling and having a negative tone does nothing to change a person’s behavior for the better. Instead, you must think about each phrase you say so a person’s feelings don’t ratchet up or down based on the mismatch between your tone and words. Merely saying “You can’t do that” with a calm voice isn’t enough.

Power struggles, feelings of disrespect, arguments between colleagues or customers, and emotional overreactions are all escalating factors in everyday life. These day-to-day struggles, coupled with a person’s anxiety or a mental health crisis, can elevate situations from merely upset and angry to dangerous.

This five-step de-escalation technique works in many circumstances and one or more of them may help resolve a situation. These techniques can be applied with some modification to gain voluntary compliance from people with dementia, people experiencing a mental health emergency, upset customers, and even children and upset coworkers.