Minimize this stimulation by dimming lights, turning the TV down or off, and having other people leave the room if possible.

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These strategies, taught by the Crisis Prevention Institute, help keep everyone safe during meltdowns, and you should use them in addition to your de-escalation strategies.

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Download these de-escalation strategies as an 8.5 x 11-inch poster below. You can use this poster to display as a visual reminder or to pass out as a handout.

If your child asks a question during a meltdown, even if it’s asked inappropriately or rudely, provide a calm and concise answer.

During a meltdown, the brain enters survival mode. It shuts down the thinking part of the brain and simply reacts to a threat (whether perceived or real).

However, ignore any aggressive statements they make towards you. For example, if your child yells, “You’re the worst mommy in the world!” do not respond or react.

For example: “It makes sense that you’re upset right now because you really wanted the orange cup, not the blue cup – and because it’s hard not to get what you want sometimes.”

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Great article for any parent. Controlling our own reactions is helpful not only because it keeps things calmer but the brunt of the emotion is lessened bc I am monitoring my thoughts and actions too.

The diagram below is a simplified explanation of how various sections of the brain are used and how that affects emotional regulation.

When the brain is engaged in fight-or-flight, there is a perceived threat. During that time, reasoning attempts are ineffective. Often, showing empathy will also make things worse.

The success rate of prevention is far greater than that of de-escalation. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable, so it’s important to know some effective de-escalation strategies as well.

You don’t want your child to feel shame for having emotions. We can learn a lot from emotions. It’s the actions that need to change.

It helps me to remain calm and also models a healthy calming strategy for my children – even if they aren’t ready to use one.

If your child is screaming, do not try yelling so they can hear you. Wait until they stop, and then speak to them calmly and empathetically.

Everybody has the right to feel a certain way about any given situation. One thing you never want to do is shame your child for how they’re feeling.

The escalation cycle is something I talk about in a lot of my posts, and familiarizing yourself with each of the stages and the different strategies for each stage will help you not only respond to meltdowns but prevent them from happening altogether.

Include a “because” when you validate instead of a “but” – this is part of a strategy known as emotion coaching. You can read more on that here.

During a meltdown, the fight-or-flight instinct takes over, and the brain is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, so they literally cannot access the part of their brain that thinks logically.

The truth is, unless these skills are taught to your child when they’re calm, they aren’t going to work when they’re upset.

Children can suddenly become a lot more likely to cooperate when they don’t feel like they are being “forced” to do something. This is especially true for children with pathological demand avoidance.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you say yes to whatever they want. Simply offer more open-ended answers like “We can plan a time to do that” or “That’s something we can talk about when everybody is calm.“

Although meltdowns may seem unpredictable or like they happen out of nowhere, there is a clear pattern that happens before, after, and during a meltdown.

Say things like, “So you are saying you are upset because you really wanted your pink shirt today?” or ” You don’t want your Aunt to pick you up from school. Do I have this right?”

This could mean suggesting a short walk or offering your child a break in a calm down corner. These distractions also change their environment and may remove them from the trigger or help them to reset.

Avoid saying things like, “I know you wanted me to pick you up from school, but I have to work late.” or “Your pink shirt is in the washer, so I can’t have it ready in time; that’s why you need to wear a different shirt.”

In a heightened emotional state like a meltdown, feeling trapped or closed in by you can further escalate the situation.

Sometimes, when children become extremely overwhelmed or they’re experiencing sensory overload, they have a meltdown where they lose control over their behaviors. This is an automatic nervous system response and not something our kids can consciously control.

Acknowledge this right by saying, “You’re right, I can’t make you do …” then explain why you would like them to choose to do what is asked and provide a logical consequence.

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This is why, during times when the hindbrain is in control, it’s important to remain calm and ensure safety until the forebrain is back in control.

If your child will sit, sit with them. If not, kneel so you’re at eye level with them when communicating. (Although it’s usually best to keep communication to a minimum).

This shows your child that you’re on their side. Even if you don’t think they have a “reason” to be upset, they obviously are, so try to put yourself in their shoes.

What’s inside this article: An overview of the escalation cycle, how the brain functions during different emotional states, and evidence-based de-escalation strategies that are used in non-violent crisis intervention to defuse meltdowns and outbursts.

You can and certainly should set boundaries, tell your child “no,” and discipline them. You just need to wait until the functionality of the prefrontal cortex is restored if you want those things to actually benefit your child.

But during these situations, your child isn’t thinking logically at all. Their brain is instinctually reacting, so anything that seems threatening will worsen the situation.

Ask your child if they want to go for a quick walk or movement break. You can even try this 7-minute HIIT workout for kids or these animal-theme gross motor skill activity cards if your child is open to it.

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Demands include telling your child repeatedly to “stop,” “calm down,” or “snap out of it” isn’t going to make them stop or calm down or snap out of it. It doesn’t matter how nicely or assertively you ask.

During a meltdown, the fight or flight instinct is activated – movement like going for a walk can “trick” your brain into feeling that it’s chosen “flight” and help you start calming down.

It’s like having an alarm system on your home to protect you from burglars, but it’s so sensitive that it goes off any time a bird lands on your roof.

This is a primal survival instinct known as fight or flight. When faced with true danger, if the thinking part of our brain was functioning, we’d hesitate and/or try to use logic, and it could cost us our lives.

A lot of parents question why I advise avoiding saying no or trying to reason with a child during a meltdown. This diagram helps make it more clear.

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These situations are stressful for everyone involved and potentially dangerous for both bystanders and your child. Knowing some de-escalation strategies will help you avoid a potential crisis.

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Sometimes, too many demands can actually cause a meltdown in the first place, especially if your child has pathological demand avoidance. But regardless of the cause, avoid making more demands during dysregulated situations.

Don’t stand over them, looking down at them as you talk. It gives off a vibe of superiority that isn’t helpful at the moment. It also can feel threatening.

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As you try out these methods and learn how your child responds, you will find the best techniques for you. You may also want to take some time to read: 8 Verbal De-Escalation Techniques for Managing Challenging Behavior & Meltdowns.

It’s also a good idea to have a safe, calming space where your child can go to remove themselves from the situation when they’re overstimulated.

This technique doesn’t mean your child “gets away with” the behavior. Once they’re calm and more likely to respond with reason and logic, you can re-address the original issue, if appropriate.

If your child regularly defaults to aggressive communication when they’re angry, this is a great communication printable to try (when they’re calm – not as a de-escalation technique): Assertive vs Aggressive Communication

Stop talking altogether to both your child and anyone else around you. I also try to take slow, deep breaths when I’m trying this strategy. Breathe deeply enough that it’s audible in the silence.

Thank you for the free printables! My grand-daughter is coming from interstate to visit, and we'd love to be more prepared for any emotional outbursts that she may display.

This 5-minute bio-feedback activity (done when everyone is calm) is a great way to show your child how deep breathing helps you calm down; it’s called How low can you go?

Try distracting your child from the current situation by offering them a favorite toy, a preferred calming activity, or showing them a funny video you think they would like.

Also, avoid lecturing or trying to solve their problems for them at the moment. This conversation needs to come later when they’re calm again.

Unless your child asks, keep back at least 3 feet from them. Do not try to touch them, hug them, or pick them up (unless they’re in danger).

Great list! I’m surprised it doesn’t mention holding the child in a firm hug and rocking them side to side or the use of a weighted blanket though. I have found both of these to be effective.

Although some of these techniques may seem more like “what not to do”, sometimes our own responses and emotions do make things worse.

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It takes a lot of practice and pre-teaching for your child to be able to self-regulate with deep breathing exercises. However, the work can pay off.

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Place all of your other expectations on hold temporarily. The only thing that matters in the present moment is helping your child calm down.

Raising an Extraordinary Person provides social-emotional learning resources, educational tools, positive behavioral support, and sensory resources for parents, educators, and therapists of neurodiverse children

Equally important to being able to identify each stage of the escalation cycle is knowing which non-violent crisis intervention strategies work for each stage.

Once the fight or flight instinct is activated, it’s important to understand that your child’s brain is perceiving a threat. They need reassurance that they are safe.

Eventually, with frequent practice, while calm, you will be able to prompt your child to do deep breathing exercises when they are upset or to model that breathing and have them imitate you.

You’re allowed to set boundaries and allow them to choose. However, keep in mind that this strategy is only effective when used early. If your child is melting down, they won’t be responsive to logical consequences.

If you’re lucky enough to get a moment where your child says “YES!” to your reflection, it opens an opportunity for you to validate your child’s feelings then and help them calm down.

If you can get your child to use this de-escalation technique in the moment, it works quite quickly. If not, this is something you can do together during the post-crisis depletion or recovery phase of the meltdown.