They don‘t want to feel abandoned or ignored. By telling customers what you’re doing to help them, they‘ll know you’re trying to make progress.

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Implementing a strategic approach to your communication can be a powerful technique for diffusing anger, gathering information, and working collaboratively towards solutions. You can transform potentially negative interactions into opportunities for building stronger customer relationships.

You can de-escalate a customer by breaking their complex problems into simpler ones. Simplifying the problem can make the situation easier and faster to resolve.

She adds, “I make sure my follow-up is timely, actionable, and detailed so that the customer knows I'm keeping track of the issue. Lastly, I will provide helpful resources or ways other customers have tackled similar issues, if applicable.”

By apologizing, you can calm the customer down, making them more receptive to working through their problem with you. At the very least, they could leave with a positive view of your company.

I think de-escalation techniques are incredibly valuable tools, both in professional settings and in everyday life. I see de-escalation as a way to navigate challenging situations with empathy and understanding.

One of the foundation’s representatives is quoted saying, “De-escalation training has been invaluable in creating a safer and more supportive environment for our staff and clients. It’s a testament to the power of effective communication and empathy.”

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Pro tip: Mirroring is especially useful if a customer has a complex problem but shouldn‘t be overdone. Try to mirror the key points of a customer’s complaint to demonstrate your attention to their problem without repeating them word-for-word.

These small gestures demonstrate active listening and convery genuine engagement. When the customer feels heard, it creates a sense of validation and reduces frustration.

Pro tip: While exuding calmness is important, you don't want to show indifference or a lack of concern. Get engaged with the customer while not escalating the situation with your response.

It’s important to balance empathy with honesty. In situations where I couldn’t fix an issue immediately, I would say, “I’m going to do everything in my power to help resolve this.”

By working on this article and through my firsthand experiences, I’ve gained valuable insights into the art of effective communication and conflict resolution.

Pro tip: When you’re uncertain about something, instead of saying, “We can fix this,” say: “I’ll do everything I can to find a solution.”

Stand at a comfortable distance to avoid overwhelming the customer. Invading personal space can lead to feelings of discomfort and defensiveness.

This sets clear expectations without committing to outcomes that might be out of my control. I’ve learned that over-promising just to calm someone down leads to more frustration later. Staying realistic builds trust, even if the solution isn’t immediate.

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Trust is built when customers see that you’re committed to their case. By following through, you demonstrate that commitment.

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In the situation with the airline, I felt much better about purchasing another ticket from them once a service rep offered me a refund on my canceled flight.

What I’ve learned is that de-escalation isn’t just about cooling tempers. It’s about protecting trust, preserving relationships, and ensuring the success of the business.

Drawing from my extensive experience in customer service — particularly in SaaS and ecommerce sectors — I’ve encountered countless situations where verbal de-escalation was essential to maintaining customer relationships.

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Why Staying Calm Matters: When conflict arises, your body’s natural reaction is the fight-or-flight response. Your heart rate spikes, breathing becomes shallow, and you’re ready to either engage or retreat. These reactions are not productive for customer interactions.

In a recent survey we conducted with 100 consumers across the U.S., “listening carefully, understanding the problem, and demonstrating empathy” was the most popular response to this question:

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St. Anthony Foundation in San Francisco has witnessed significant success with its mandatory de-escalation training for community safety services staff.

Pro tip: Avoid firm commitments on what you can accomplish for a customer. Instead, commit to making your best effort to help them and to reach out to anyone else who can help.

Now that we’ve reviewed the best tips for verbal de-escalation, it’s important to look into its counterpart: body language. Mastering body language is essential for de-escalation, especially in high-pressure situations.

According to HubSpot’s Principal Customer Success Manager, Jen Berenguer, honesty is a powerful de-escalation tool. She emphasizes that transparency is key in setting realistic expectations with customers.

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We’ll uncover the role of empathy, active listening, and non-verbal communication in transforming potentially volatile situations into opportunities for understanding and growth.

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One of the first steps in de-escalating a tense conversation is acknowledging the customer’s frustration. I’ve found that a small acknowledgment statement helps to lower the emotional defenses. Customers want to feel heard, and starting with “I” gives it a personal touch, signaling that they’re dealing with someone who genuinely cares about their experience.

Strategy: If a customer feels like they’ve lost money or value, offering a refund, upgrade, or promotion can significantly alleviate frustration.

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with an airline after dealing with a flight cancellation. I wanted a refund, so I waited three hours to speak with a member of their service team, only to hear: “I'm sorry, ma'am, but there's nothing I can do for you.”

Data: While only 16% of respondents rated this as important for de-escalation, it‘s undoubtedly a nice extra step you can take once you’ve de-escalated a situation.

All of which is to say – how your reps behave when a customer is upset could make or break that customer‘s loyalty. So it’s a critical component of long-term customer retention.

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Customers who want to escalate want to be heard and know that you're listening. By using active listening, you can show them you care and potentially even de-escalate the situation, or at least keep a ceiling on their frustrations.

As I’ve navigated my career and honed my skills in the business landscape, I’ve come to appreciate the power of de-escalation techniques.

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Implementing these de-escalation techniques can significantly improve customer interactions and enhance satisfaction. By focusing on active listening, offering solutions, maintaining honesty, staying calm, and expressing appreciation, you can transform potentially negative experiences into opportunities for loyalty and growth.

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By focusing on solutions and avoiding negative language, you can demonstrate your commitment to customer satisfaction and build trust.

Mastering these body language techniques doesn’t just help with de-escalating tough situations — it also actively builds trust with your customers while directly impacting their satisfaction and loyalty. With the right non-verbal skills in place, you’ll see a noticeable difference in how effectively your team de-escalates situations and strengthens customer relationships.

While offering anything for “free” to a customer can feel painful, you'll want to keep in mind that acquiring a new customer is much more expensive than retaining an existing one.

Once you’ve addressed the customer’s concerns, emphasizing your gratitude for their business and patience can strengthen the relationship. A simple “Thank you for bringing this to our attention” or “We appreciate your understanding” can leave a lasting positive impression.

Trust builds loyalty, and according to a 2022 report by Sinch, a CPaaS provider, 87% of customers actively avoid buying from brands they don’t trust.

Facial expressions can say a lot, and a neutral but soft facial expression prevents misunderstandings that might arise from appearing too stern or indifferent. It’s helpful to show subtle warmth without overdoing it, as this conveys empathy while maintaining professionalism.

It’s easy to mirror the frustrations of an angry customer, but doing so only escalates the situation. Staying calm is the key to resolving issues effectively.

If you’re speaking in person, show the customer you're actively listening. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, nodding, and leaving your arms uncrossed can demonstrate your active engagement with the customer.

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Pro tip: If you must put someone on hold, instead of using a traditional hold button, implement a “virtual queuing” system. Research shows that customers are significantly more patient when they know their position in the queue and have an estimated wait time. This approach reduces perceived wait times and increases customer satisfaction, as it empowers them with information and control.

Data: Roughly one-third of respondents indicated that financial compensation positively impacted their service experience.

While humor can be a useful tool in de-escalation, it’s something to apply with care. In my experience, humor works best after rapport has been built and only in situations where the customer shows signs of relaxing.

Timing Matters: Show appreciation after resolving the issue. Telling your customer you value them before solving their problem could seem disingenuous, especially if they're upset.

Instead, stay with them, physically or on the line, until you find the person they should speak with or get the resources you need to address their problem.

In my years working in fast-paced startups, I’ve seen how important de-escalation techniques can be, both for customers and within teams. When tensions run high, whether it’s a frustrated customer or a heated internal debate, how you handle that moment can make or break the situation.

Pro tip: Take notes during the interaction, if possible, or after it, and inform the customer so they know their complaint is being recorded.

Identifying the root cause of a customer's frustrations can make solving them easier. You can also identify what needs to be changed.

So what does de-escalation look like in practice? In this section, I’ll dive into these 13 proven strategies to help you implement them in your business to resolve customer complaints effectively.

Here are my tips based on real-world experiences that can help diffuse heated conversations and turn potentially negative interactions into opportunities for customer loyalty.

Mirroring is an active listening technique that can help you build rapport and demonstrate engagement with a customer. Repeat their complaint without interrupting to show you heard and remember what they have to say.

Now, I‘m not blaming this airline or this service rep. But one thing I learned throughout the encounter was how much empathy mattered to me. I didn’t necessarily need the rep to give me exactly what I wanted: I just needed to feel heard and understood.

This approach not only helps identify the core issue but also shows customers that you value their perspective. By putting yourself in their shoes, you can help to de-escalate the situation.

Being able to stay calm, actively listen, and quickly find common ground has been my go-to approach. This isn’t just a skill for managers. It’s essential for anyone who wants to build strong, lasting relationships in any business setting. And nowhere is this more important than in customer service, where emotions can run high, and how we respond matters just as much as the words we use.

As HubSpot’s Principal Consultant Bradlee McKibben states, “My goal is to dig deeper into what the actual root problem is, as sometimes frustrations can be misaligned. Everyone encounters roadblocks and challenges; customers simply want to know we understand the why and are here to help."

Early in my career working in retail banking, I encountered countless customers who were stressed or upset about their finances. I quickly learned that how you position yourself and communicate non-verbally can be just as impactful as the words you use.

Regardless of how the interaction gets resolved, the customer will at least remember your sympathetic response to their problem, which can prevent further issues.

Customers recognize honesty and respect a realistic approach over empty promises. Berenguer goes on to say, “Most of the time, honesty leads to a stronger relationship with my clients, even when we have a problem that can't be solved.”

You may also discover that the customer's emotions or lack of information made the problem seem more complex than it really was.

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In the upcoming sections, I’m excited to delve deeper into the core principles of de-escalation and explore how it can be applied in various contexts, from resolving interpersonal conflicts to managing challenging customer interactions.

A calm, open posture and steady eye contact can help diffuse tension, putting customers at ease and fostering a more positive interaction. In sensitive settings, non-verbal cues are very important to managing difficult situations.

Active listening involves genuinely engaging with the customer, allowing them to express their frustrations without interruption.

Refrain from checking your watch or phone during the conversation. These actions can be perceived as impatience or disinterest, which could escalate the customer’s frustration. It’s important not to undermine the rapport you’re trying to build.

Your confidence can also pre-empt the customer from experiencing further questions and doubts. You‘ll also be better able to guide the interaction instead of following the customer’s lead.

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Learning de-escalation techniques, and the training that comes with it, is not just a theoretical concept. It’s making a real difference in workplaces across the country.

Pro tip: Narrating your actions can make the customer more useful to you, as they, too, begin thinking of potential solutions and new ways to help.

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In a recent article, they talked about how the training (provided by the Crisis Prevention Institute) focused on non-threatening de-escalation techniques to handle conflicts and provide community support.

You could be shocked into overpromising when customers share their complaints with you, especially if they're emotional.

When a customer is angry, they often need a chance to vent. I make it a point to ask, “Can you walk me through what happened?” or “How can I make this right for you?” These questions shift the focus from confrontation to problem-solving, which is an approach rooted in active listening and empathy.

By framing your responses in a positive and solution-oriented manner, you can help to de-escalate tense situations and built trust with your customers.

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Pro tip: When offering compensation, tailor it to the specific issue and the customer’s value to your business. For instance, if a long-term customer faces a product issue, consider offering them an exclusive discount or free upgrade.

“Think of a time when you were upset at a company and customer service helped you have a positive outcome. What did they do to make the experience positive?”

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Pro tip: Ask the customer about the specific use cases in which they had a problem to determine the source of their complaints.

I encourage you to explore these de-escalation techniques and incorporate them not only in your own business, but also your personal life. By mastering these skills, you can learn to transform challenging situations into opportunities that drive positive outcomes.

Ready to take the next step and master the art of de-escalation? Download our comprehensive crisis management guide to access practical templates to enhance your communication skills and conflict resolution strategies.

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Pro tip: An upset customer may not be entirely rational. Your sympathy can help calm them down and ease their suspicions of you.

Early in my career, I noticed how easy it was to let a customer’s intensity influence my own tone. Matching their frustration never helped. Instead, I’ve learned to control my voice, keeping it calm and steady, which has a calming effect on the situation.

Of course, you‘ll want to abide by your company’s policies whenever possible. Speak to your manager to understand what you can offer an unhappy customer if you cannot resolve their issue. If a refund is not an option, consider offering a promotion or discount on a future purchase.

Also, make sure to recount their main points and ask thoughtful questions to clarify their complaint and probe into potential causes.

Pro tip: Active listening is a powerful tool for simplifying complex problems. By fully engaging with the customer and paraphrasing their concerns, you can uncover the root of the issue and clarify misunderstandings.

You'll make the customer feel validated while also seeing the problem from their perspective, which may help you find a solution faster.

Your reaction can aggravate them further if you let these emotions impact you personally. Remain calm while interacting with the customer to learn about their complaint and direct them to the correct personnel.

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De-escalation is a process by which you calm the situation before it gets worse. This can be done through a variety of techniques involving breathing, active listening, asking questions, being compassionate, and the use of body language.

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Personally, as someone with hands-on experience in many sectors of customer service, I’ve experienced how staying calm — especially in high-pressure situations — can diffuse tension and lead to better outcomes. It’s one of the most important skills I’ve continued to hone and pass on to the teams I’ve managed throughout my career.

In fact, a recent 2024 study by Forrester found that only 3% of companies are categorized as customer-obsessed. By acknowledging the customer’s frustration with a simple phrase like “I understand how frustrating this must be for you,” you can immediately show empathy, validate their feelings, and differentiate your business from the majority.

Pro tip: Consider using the LEAPS framework to structure your customer interactions. This research-backed approach ensures a comprehensive and customer-centric approach to resolving complaints.

Listening and demonstrating empathy even exceeded “they offered me a refund, upgrade, or promo code.” In other words – people care more about a service rep's behaviors than they do a rep's actions.

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An important part of verbal de-escalation is showing the customer that the conversation wasn’t just a way to placate them in the moment. I always make sure to follow up with a personal message or update, even if no resolution has been reached yet.

A coupon, discount, or free offer can show a customer that your company values them, even if you couldn't resolve their problem.

A simple email saying, “I wanted to let you know I’m still working on your issue and will update you as soon as I have more information,” is often times enough to maintain a positive relationship.

Pro tip: Scripts can ground you in a stressful situation, but you don‘t want to sound like you’re reading from one. You might use a script as a reference point rather than something to repeat verbatim to make your response and empathy more natural.

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Scripts can make it easier to address customer complaints without escalating the situation further. They can help to act as a barrier between your immediate emotions and the issue you’re working on.

For example, if a delivery was delayed, I might say something like, “Looks like your package decided to take the scenic route!” This can break the ice when delivered with the right tone, but it’s crucial to be mindful of the customer’s mood and the situation. Misusing humor can backfire if not used appropriately, so be cautious.

Skipping the hold button allows you to maintain a human connection with a customer when it matters most and helps set a more positive tone for the rest of your interaction.

If a customer has a problem, don't put them on hold. Customers today expect a higher level of service and may feel devalued if you place them on hold when they complain.

By incorporating de-escalation techniques in your business practices, you can create a more positive and productive work environment, improve customer satisfaction, and drive overall business success.

Data: 46% of respondents in our survey rated active listening and empathy as the most important de-escalation technique practiced.

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Breaking down a complex problem can help you score quick wins for the customer. You can also naturally shift the focus of the conversation from the problem to its resolution.

One technique I’ve found particularly effective is pausing for a few seconds before responding. This gives me time to collect my thoughts and avoid reacting impulsively. You can also practice slightly lowering your pitch, which may seem minor, but helps to convey a calm authority and reassures the customer that things are under control.

Berenguer explains, “When I’m honest with how much I care about a customer’s problem, the steps I’m taking to help, and, more importantly, what I won’t be able to do, it helps them understand the complexity of the matter and how feasible it is to get to their desired outcome.”

Sudden or jerky movements can come across as threatening or anxious. Instead, slow and deliberate gestures show you’re in control of the situation and exude calmness, helping to diffuse any tension.

Pro tip: There's a difference between being confident and cocky. You can manage a customer complaint and regain initiative in the interaction by staying humble yet confident.

As McKibben states, “Sometimes I encounter escalation situations that are outside my role's scope. I make sure to clearly explain to the customer how my expertise isn't best suited to solve the problem but that I will take the following steps: loop in the correct point of contact, file a roadblock with our product team, and/or follow up with the support rep who is handling the ticket.”